Peace on Earth and Good Will (Metta) to All

As we enter the holiday season, we will hear the traditional words from Luke 2:14, in which the shepherds abiding in the fields heard the heavenly host of angels saying, "Peace on Earth, and good will to all men." Regardless of whether one comes from this Christian tradition or not, or whether you find it easier to believe in miracles such as virgin birth or that such stories were grafted on to the historical Jesus to make it more palatable for Greek culture that has a long tradition of gods, er, "collaborating" with humans, there are some remarkable aspects of this story. 

First, in the same Gospel that discusses lofty individuals such as Caesar Augustus and Governor Cyrenius, it is remarkable that the message of good will came to shepherds.  Shepherds were not considered to be of high social standing, yet this message was given directly to them, and not to more "important" people, to CNN, or to government officials who could spread it more easily.  Perhaps this demonstrates that peace is something that can only be found and supported by individuals.  I cannot grant you peace, but I can try to maintain good will toward you which may help support your attainment of peace.  It is a grass-roots message, rather than top-down.

Second, I am struck by the discussion of good will to all mankind.  This is similar to Thanissaro Bhikku's definition of metta. I quote (from this excellent article):

"Metta" is usually translated as loving-kindness, but often it is more helpful to think of it as goodwill....Goodwill is often a more skillful attitude than overt expressions of love, and for three reasons.  The first is that goodwill is an attitude you can express for everyone without fear of being hypocritical or unrealistic.  If the people around you haven't been acting lovably, it's good to remind yourself that although you don't condone your behavior --you don't even have to like them--you still wish them well.

The second reason is that goodwill is a more skillful feeling to have toward those who would react unskillfully to your love.  There are probably people you've harmed in the past who would rather not have anything to do with you ever again, so the intimacy of love would actually be a source of pain for them, rather than joy. There are also people who, when they see that you want to express love, would be quick to take advantage of it.  In these cases, a more distant sense of goodwill--that you promise yourself never to harm those people or those beings--would be better for everyone involved.

The third reason is that goodwill acts as a check on your behavior toward those you love to keep it from becoming oppressive.  It reminds you that people ultimately will become truly happy not as a result of your caring for them but as a result of their own skillful actions, and that the happiness of self-reliance is greater than any happiness coming from dependency.  If you truly feel goodwill for yourself and others, you won't let your desire for intimacy render you insensitive to what would actually be the most skillful way to promote true happiness for all.

Many of us will come together this season with friends and family members with whom we have complicated feelings.  Neither we nor they may be ready to enter into full intimate and vulnerable lovingkindness.  Cultivating good will toward all, however, may be easier on both us and them, allowing space for all the complicated feelings.

As Thanissaro Bhikku notes, "there's a passage in which the Buddha taught the monks a chant for spreading goodwill to all snakes and other things...Strikingly, the chant concludes with the sentence, 'May the beings depart.'  This reflects the truth that living together is often difficult..."  

Good will can offer the space that we may find lacking when we come back together and are confronted with old patterns and difficult feelings.  Perhaps Luke wrote them backwards: Good will to all is what can create peace on Earth.

Image sources: Here and here

The Golden Rule Makes Us Golden Fools?

There is a Chinese proverb:

Once, when a seabird landed outside the capital, the Marquis of Lu escorted it to his ancestral temple, had the music of the Ninefold Splendors performed, poured out a cup of old wine, and spread before it a feast of beef and pork.  But the bird became dazed, and it pined away, refusing to taste meat or wine.  In three days it was dead.

This was treating the bird as the marquis would have liked to be treated, not as the bird would have liked to be treated.  Had he done so, he would have let it roost in the deep forests, play among the islands, swim in the rivers and lakes, feed on mudfish and minnows, fly with the rest of the flock, and live any way it chose to. (Translation by Stephen Mitchell)

We have all been taught the "Golden Rule," that we should do unto others as we would have done unto us.  This is a valuable basic teaching when we are immature, but by adulthood we should get past it.  By trying to treat others as we would be treated, we are not actually being mindful of them or their wishes.  The problem is that it works well a lot of the time, because many of the basics are generally true - we do want to be listened to, to be accepted, to be treated with respect.  But the devil is always in the details, and these are rarely the same for two people.

For example, I was in a relationship with a woman who liked to be left alone when she was ill.  So when I got sick, she would leave me alone all day.  The problem is, I really like to be babied when I'm sick.  So when she got sick, I would make a fuss over her and try to take as much care of her as I could.  Needless to say, we both always felt unappreciated, no matter which role we were playing.  I was treating her as I would like to be treated, and was annoyed that she didn't appreciate it, while she was annoyed that I wasn't leaving her alone.  When I was sick, I felt abandoned and neglected because she was treating me as kindly as she could (from her assumption that she should treat me how she would like to be treated).  We were both being so kind to each other and couldn't see how following the golden rule just made us golden fools.  

Needless to say, the relationship ended badly.

Recall that the Buddha is said to have taught many different teachings to different groups, based on their level of spiritual development.  It is likely that Jesus did too.  His teaching that we should do to others what we would like done to us (Matthew 7:12) seems to be an entry-level teaching - it's a great place to start.  But it sets us on a path where our assumptions and past knowledge dictate our behaviors, rather than being open to the unfolding new situation with a person who isn't you.  

Image sources: Here and here.